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What you can expect:
The brutal truth of me, without all the sugary coating.
Here I am just me, UNCUT and UNEDITED.
I talk about my family, my divorce, and a lot about MAKEUP.
If you leave me a comment, I will love you forever. :)

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Remember me?

A faint, distant part of me remembers blogging. She remembers feeling a release from the flow of words, and the feeling of power in the "publish" button.

A few things have happened to change that feeling for me.

First of all, I began to get negative backlash for things I'd write here, specifically from the people who are most important to me. I should be able to shake it off, but I'll admit, I wasn't coping with that very well. This was mostly because I felt I was expressing myself honestly and clearly, and I was still being misunderstood.

Secondly, there's the privacy issue, which has me feeling less confident all the time about how much I should share with the Internet. I'm protective of my kids, and the horror stories of how easy it is to track photos and info have me running scared.

Third, my divorce made it impossible to write. I wish I'd written more about what I was feeling as I went through it, even if it meant I needed to go private, but I was too afraid of backlash from people we knew together, his friends, my kids when they eventually found my blog online, etc. I've just been feeling like it's not worth laying it all out there, and that's what this blog is FOR, you know?

Having acquired an extremely attentive boyfriend has certainly affected my communication efforts as well. In part because I have someone who asks about my frustrations and listens intently to my daily rantings, but also because the weekends he's in town get devoted almost entirely to spending time with him.

And lastly, of course, is just your good old fashioned exhaustion. I've been using my free time for things like crochet and coloring book therapy. These hobbies/outlets require far less brain power than writing does, and by the time I'm alone at the end of the day, frankly, I'm out of steam. I'm working outside the house again, and although it's only about 25 hours/week, it's wearing me out.

Perhaps I'll be able to pick it up again... adjust my focus on what the purpose of this blog is to me... but I'm not making any promises right now, because I've done that far too many times. We all know what happens when I start saying things like, "I'm going to blog every day!"

For now, let's just say, I've missed you, and I'll try to be a better friend.

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