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The brutal truth of me, without all the sugary coating.
Here I am just me, UNCUT and UNEDITED.
I talk about my family, my divorce, and a lot about MAKEUP.
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Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Tuesday Morning Thoughts

Michael flies here to see us every 2-3 weeks. He stays four days each visit, and can I just tell you, I am in heaven.

I won't do too much gushing, because that's obnoxious, but I do need to say that I am incredibly happy. Never in my life have I been treated this way. Adored, doted on, treated with respect and admiration. My needs are met before I even know they are needs. It's an experience entirely foreign to me, and I am soaking it up. Believe me, I'm still doing my share of over-analyzing and watching my back. After divorce there's hardly any other option. How could one endure the experience of admitting they chose the wrong partner, but not be left with an overall doubt about their judgment? I may never trust my decision-making skills again.

But what I have here is a situation where there's not much room to doubt. So many things fit right into place, I hardly have any fear to obsess over. I will anyway, but out of habit rather than necessity, as far as I can see.

Each time I send him back home on another plane, it gets more difficult. I'm starting to get that nagging feeling that having him here is a necessity, not just a luxury. This feeling scares me more than you can probably imagine. I spend most of my days talking myself down, reminding myself not to think it to death. Conversations with divorced friends have told me it's a pretty normal feeling, to want to run before someone has the chance to destroy you. I'm fighting it hard, because what I've got going on here is definitely worth riding out. Even if I do get destroyed in the end.

I haven't been blogging much because I've been out DOING things, enjoying time with family, etc. Shocking, right? I know. My mom, Michael and I took the kids to the Air Show at the Air Force base, and that was really fun. The kids got to go inside planes and tanks, and we watched the Thunderbirds do their thing. I'm going to admit that it wasn't something I was interested in, but I loved watching the boys learn all about the airplanes and feeling like we actually got out and did something fun for once.

Here are some super cute pictures to keep you entertained before I tell you the BIG NEWS (which you've already heard if you have facebook).

 













Ok, the big news is that my oldest nephew Jordan has been called to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I am absolutely astounded at the man he has grown into. Jordan was born when I was 12 years old, before I turned into a rotten teenager and just wanted to be with my friends. I babysat him, held him for hours, taught him to talk, even changed a few of his diapers. (The fact that I am old enough to say I changed an 18-year-old's diapers does not escape me. We are not going to talk about that just now, although I'm sure he'd love if we did.)

Jordan's family is the one I blogged about in this post: Bring Them Home. My brother Chris and his four kids have been back in the US for more than a year now, without their wife and mother, Kiyomi. (Our government won't let her in, and there's absolutely no way of knowing when we might get her back. Thousands of dollars, thousands of hours of paperwork, thousands of prayers, and still no idea when/if they will let her come "home".) Jordan has now graduated high school and might leave for his mission before he gets to see her again.

So when we heard he was called to the Kobe, Japan mission, we cheered. Some people cried. Because this means there is a CHANCE his mom might be able to visit him, if she can't come home. Jordan, being the type to love a challenge, was disappointed he wasn't going to be learning a 3rd language. :)


I didn't get great pictures, but these will do. Chris, his 3 girls, and Jordan about to open his call.

For this picture we set up FaceTime with Kiyomi, so she could be in the family photo. To say it's difficult for her to miss this milestone would be an enormous understatement.

Well, that's it for now. Today is Michael's last day here (for now), so I'm going to go play outside and enjoy the time we've got before he goes home. Hope everyone is having an amazing summer... and surviving the bored children and heat! Leave a comment, pretty please. :)

1 comment:

  1. I love reading all your blogs. We've been through similar things & have known each other since high school. You're an amazing person Aubrey!

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