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The brutal truth of me, without all the sugary coating.
Here I am just me, UNCUT and UNEDITED.
I talk about my family, my divorce, and a lot about MAKEUP.
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Thursday, July 31, 2014

Max-isms: Vol. 4

My 4-year-old Max is a tiny little grown-up. I have no other way to describe him, other than a fully-grown adult in a child's body. The poor kid is constantly struggling with the way he feels inside (I imagine it's something similar to a stock broker) and the way people see him (as a toddler).

His vocabulary exceeds that of many adults I know, and his passionate streak is dominant, to say the least.

"Mom, I'm going to win. But don't worry, it won't destroy your life or anything. It's just a game."

Take yesterday for example. My mom was trying to show him something about his paints, and he wanted to go get an apron to wear while he was painting. Grandma continued what she was saying, and he said, matter-of-factly, "I'm just trying to go get an apron. And I don't want to be disturbed while I'm doing it."

There is absolutely no baby talk going on over here, and not because I'm an ultra-fantastic mom. Simply because he won't tolerate it. Earlier this week I told him I needed to go potty before we left the house.
He said, "Mom, don't say 'potty'. Just say 'go to the bathroom'. It doesn't sound so stupid."
He doesn't meant to be rude; he's simply stating a fact. When I say 'potty', I sound like a child. And why would anyone want that?

A little later last night Max and I were going to watch a movie. I like to watch older movies with my kids, the movies I grew up on, so I recently bought a VCR and a bunch of old VHS movies. Max and I had decided on Feivel Goes West. We were waiting for it to rewind (anyone tried explaining the rewinding process to a 4-year-old? ugh) and when he heard it slow to a stop, he said, "It's almost done re-loading!"

Speaking of kids from the digital age...
A couple of weeks ago we were at the park and Max needed to use the bathroom. I took him to the bathroom and when he was finished, he came out incredulous.
"Mom! Those toilets are SO old. Do you know how I could tell? I had to flush it ALL BY MYSELF!"

Back to last night...

When the movie started, he said, "Have you seen this before?"
I said, "Yes, when I was a little girl."
Max said, "Was it 'ago'? Like... two years ago, five years ago?" (how cute is that? He thinks 'ago' is a period of time!)
I said, "About fifteen years ago." (Ok, I lied. It was more like 20.)
He asked, "Do you remember it?"
I said, "Not really. "
Then he said, like a commercial, "Well, you're in luck! You can see it all again, right now!"

While we were playing "Sequence for Kids" (the easiest board game for kids, btw, and not too boring for adults), I was reading each card aloud because I knew he couldn't read the names of the animals. By the third round, Max decided he didn't need to hear it anymore, so he said politely, "How about we have some quietness, so we don't say anything this time."

This afternoon while I was making dinner, Max said, "I love you, Mom."
I said, "I love you too."
He said, "How did I always love you? Like, how did I start loving you?"
I said, "Well... maybe because I always take care of you."
He immediately said, "Well, actually, you don't always take care of us. Sometimes we get babysitters!" 

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