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The brutal truth of me, without all the sugary coating.
Here I am just me, UNCUT and UNEDITED.
I talk about my family, my divorce, and a lot about MAKEUP.
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Friday, May 30, 2014

Maxisms Vol 2 (May 2014)

So Max (4) and I went to Ross today in search of some summer clothes Mommy can wear to Arizona tomorrow. I pull a shirt off the rack and say, "What do you think, Max? Do you like this one?"' 
Max makes a face. "Um, no. I don't like bows." 
Me: "But it's not for you. It's for me. What do you think about it for Mommy?" 
Max (carefully trying to find a way to put this): "Um, I would PREFER if we just let OTHER people wear that, not us."
-A few minutes later... I pull out a shirt with little Eiffel towers all over it.
Me: "What about this one, Max?"
Max: "Welllll, you have an Eiffel tower on your keys, and you have an Eiffel tower in your room, so.... Yep. Let's get that one."
So I said, "Wow Max, how did you remember that this building is called the Eiffel tower?"
Max: "I have my ways."
*Lady on the other side of the isle laughs out loud*
Max stares at her and says, exasperated, "PEOPLE HAVE THEIR WAYS."
This child.


***

Max: "Mom, we should take our eyeballs out and put them on Grandma's bed." 
Me: "What?! Um, no. That's a terrible idea." 
Max: "Well, Mom, we can't take our eyeballs out anyways. There are muscles holding our eyeballs in to our heads, so there's no way for us to take our eyeballs out."
Me: "Um... yeah. That's true." 
Max: "Mom, what are those red things I can see on your eyeballs?" 
Me: "Those are veins." 
Max: "But our veins in our skin are blue. I wonder why there are red veins in our eyeballs and blue veins in our skin." 
This child is going to out-smart me in the next year, I guarantee it.

***

Max tripped on (apparently) nothing, said it hurt his leg. I said, "I'm sorry you got hurt." He glared at me and said, "You COULD have not builded a floor in your room!" 
In case anyone wanted to switch children today...

***
Max and I are playing Chinese Checkers... but he is making up rules because it's "boring". He says, "Mom, I still love you, but I have to kill all your guys in this game. It's just a game, so it won't ruin your life."

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