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What you can expect:
The brutal truth of me, without all the sugary coating.
Here I am just me, UNCUT and UNEDITED.
I talk about my family, my divorce, and a lot about MAKEUP.
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Tuesday, July 2, 2013

We existed.



I don't blog much. I find it too difficult to express what I'm really feeling without revealing too much personal information during this divorce, so I'm just choosing to stay quiet unless I have something that I just can't keep inside anymore.

My sisters are having a yard sale this weekend and I'm seriously strapped for cash, so I've been hunting through everything I own for things I could sell. Obviously no one wants to buy my old junk, but I've gotta try, right? It's a good excuse to finally clean out some things that needed to go anyway.

In the process I found an old SD card full of pictures. The two at the top broke my heart a little.

Key word: little.

My heart broke but then it mended itself again a minute later. Because YES we did exist. And yes there was a reason for it. We smiled and laughed and loved. It's difficult after a divorce because people don't want to talk about it. Even if they DO want to talk about it, they want to talk negatively about it. The divorcee doesn't want to discuss it for fear of breaking down, and everyone else treat it like a gangrenous limb you've finally cut off and can forget about it. Yes, you're a bit handicapped, but it's about damn time that nasty thing isn't threatening your life anymore. After a while you start to doubt yourself.

There's two different doubts, and they happen almost simultaneously.

Doubt 1: Were we ever happy? Why DID we spend 10 years together? Did our happiness ever even exist at all?
Doubt 2: Were we really that UNhappy? Couldn't we have just worked it out? Were we over-reacting?

We did. We were happy. We were that unhappy. No, we couldn't work it out. There was too much hurt piled onto other hurt until there was nothing but hurt and resentment left. But yes, we WERE. We were real and we loved, and it wasn't a waste.

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