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Thursday, November 29, 2012

Decisions

When we make big life decisions, we don't get confirmation it was the right decision until, sometimes, years later.

Last night I got confirmation that a decision I made nine years and eleven months ago was the right one. Not just a feeling within myself, but verbal confirmation from the source.

I was watching an old season of Grey's Anatomy when Joshua walked in to my room. He asked me what was happening in my show, so I told him there was a girl who was going to have a baby, but she was giving the baby to a new family for adoption. I tried to focus on how happy the new parents would be to have a baby of their own, while I was explaining the concept of adoption to him.

He cocked his head to the side and looked at me with deep sadness. "But Mom, that's SO sad for the mom." His dark eyebrows were even more concerned than usual, the line of his mouth turned down in a deep frown.

The understanding he showed for the situation made me decide tell him more. "Yes, it really is so sad for the mom. But sometimes girls find out they're having a baby when they aren't ready to be a mom yet. You know, a lot of people thought I should give you up for adoption when I was pregnant with you, but I'm so, so glad I didn't because I wouldn't have you in my life!"

The look on his face... oh, the look on his face! If only you could have seen it. "But why would they think that?"

"Well, I was very young, and I wasn't married to Jeff, so they thought you should go to a whole family."

Joshua just looked at me like duh and said all matter-of-fact-ly, "We did have a family. We had Grandma!"

"And Grandpa," I said. "Grandma and Grandpa and even Uncle Jon helped me so much when you were a little baby, and I know I did the right thing keeping you because you make me so happy. Do you think I made the right decision?"

"Oh, yes, definitely!"



There are no words to describe how incredible it feels to hear it from my own son's mouth that I did the right thing all those years ago. I already know it, I feel my own personal validation within myself each day as I watch him play with his brothers and as I kiss him goodnight. But this was different... he gave me his blessing.

Yes, Mom. I'm happy here. You did it right. 

4 comments:

  1. What a wonderful post. So glad for you to know you made the right choice for your situation.

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  2. Awww ... tears ... decisions are so, so hard ...

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