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The brutal truth of me, without all the sugary coating.
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Monday, October 29, 2012

Trust



I've spent a lot of time lately just thinking and feeling. At a certain point I realized that avoiding and distracting from my pain over this divorce will only postpone the mourning process, so I have really let myself ache and tried not to put any band-aids over my wounds.

In the meantime I've done a bit of thinking about my future. The logical part of my brain says the people who love you the most have the most ability to destroy you - and probably will! Why do I still daydream about that childhood fairytale kind of love? Shouldn't I know better by now?

I mean, if I'm being honest, I'm not sure I even still believe in people at all. Experience tells me that even the best people are still just people who make giant, painful mistakes that hurt the people they love. So why do I still long for a connection like the one I was dreaming of when I was engaged to be married eight years ago?

The truth of it is that I do. I don't know why I'm not smarter, but I do still hope for companionship in a forever kind of way. I know it's probably very far off... but it lives in the back of my mind as a possibility.  Maybe it's stupidity, maybe it's faith. Who knows.

And an even bigger fear? What if I'm too damaged to accept it if, in the future, I find it? 

1 comment:

  1. I think you'll surprise yourself as how strong you are. And all people will make mistakes, sometimes really big ones, but there are tons of people out there who are so amazing they're worth it.

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