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I talk about my family, my divorce, and a lot about MAKEUP.
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Saturday, June 23, 2012

Settling

I haven't felt like unpacking or hanging things on the wall. It's just not my home. 

I have been living life day-to-day, getting through it, not really living. Sleeping, working, sleeping, reading, facebook, sleeping. The purpose of taking the new position at work was to spend more time with my kids, but honestly when I'm home I'm not really here. I'm glued to my phone, attempting to distract myself from the reality of my situation, or I'm too exhausted from work to be of any use to them. Adjusting to my new 4:30am schedule is beyond difficult; I am not what you would call a morning person. 

My brother-in-law helped me move the few pieces of furniture I wanted from the apartment to my mom's house today. Just a desk, a dresser, the rocking chair I rocked my babies in, and a bookshelf. It's funny but my new room feels even less like my home now that it has my things in it. I'm not gonna lie, I expected the opposite feeling as I lay in bed tonight. 

Some day it won't feel like this. I'm just sure of it. 

It won't, right? 

3 comments:

  1. People are what makes a house feel like a home. Things are just that . . . things. Things come and go, as they should; people are supposed to be forever. I suspect your feeling of loss is related to people, not your things.

    Solution (remember I'm a guy so I can't wallow in feelings too long without offering a solution) . . . focus on loving and appreciating all of the people who live in your house . . . and then it will feel like a home . . . then you'll find joy and comfort there.

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  2. Things really do get better but I can totally relate to how you're feeling and I think it's pretty normal. The first year of my separation & divorce (over 10 years ago) was horrible....scary, confusing, lonely, at times I was just really lost, nothing felt right. I think I went through just kind of existing in survival mode as well. Time really does help and heal, these feelings won't last forever and you'll find your way. Writing in a journal was something that really helped me, maybe your blog will be a good outlet as well. Sending good thoughts your way!

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  3. Time, although it is thick and syrupy like a slow flowing molasses now, will eventually sweeten your life. Hang in there. :)

    New memories will evade the old ones. Just let them and the comfort of home will find you.

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