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The brutal truth of me, without all the sugary coating.
Here I am just me, UNCUT and UNEDITED.
I talk about my family, my divorce, and a lot about MAKEUP.
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Monday, May 21, 2012

Split into pieces



Today I packed up three boxes of clothes and shampoo and toothbrushes and moved back to my mom's house. 

Today I cried into my husband's shoulder because it's over. 

Today I left almost all of my belongings in the apartment that is no longer my home. 

Today my mom made me french toast for dinner. I cried because I don't get to leave my dishes out after I eat anymore. 

Today I said goodbye to my husband with the knowledge that from now on our interactions will be based in divorce arrangements. 

Today I said goodbye to the super-sweet neighbor next door who was completely blind-sided by my announcement that I was moving out. 

Today we had to tell our children that we are a better family if we don't live in close enough quarters to fight all the time. 

Today my heart broke. Again.

But not like last time. 

"Guess what," Asher announced to my mother as we pulled into her driveway. "My mom is moving out of my house and she's going to live here at your house. We're just splitting apart." 

Today my life changed in too many ways and there are not enough tears to cry. 

30 comments:

  1. ((hugs))
    I wish there was something that could be said to ease your pain. but there isn't. I'm sorry.

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  2. There are no words that I can say to make that crying stop.
    Just let them flow freely..
    And know that we are all here behind you. Xoxo

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  3. Aubrey, I agree with Robbie and Kimberly, and I'm going to add even though it doesn't feel like it: it's already alright. It's already alright.

    We're here for you.

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  4. Oh Aubrey. I'm here if you need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to scream into. xoxox

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  5. Aubrey, I'm so sorry. I don't even know what to say, so I'm sending hugs and support and I'm hoping that this new step is a step toward future happiness.

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  6. So tough, so painful, and so real. It seems like you've done the hard work of accepting already. Now comes the difficult work of grieving, comforting, finding the strength to move on.

    Take care of yourself and your little one. Always remember the love that brought you together - and try to maintain respect for each other. Thinking of you!

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  7. Oh. What a powerful post for so few words. I am so sorry for your pain, but I hope that after a while things will become easier and routine, and back to some form of normal. Divorce sucks. There's just no other way to say it. :(

    Big hugs.

    <3

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  8. Aubrey. My heart aches for you. Please know that I am here for you if you need to talk. I know we've kinda went our own ways, but I always try to keep up with whats going on with you. Sending prayers your way pretty! <3

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  9. Aubrey my heart breaks for you and your boys. I'm so so sorry. I hope things get better. You are such an amazing and strong woman. Your boys are so lucky to have you as a mom. Hang in there, text me if you need to talk. Love ya

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  10. I am so sorry that you are going through such a painful transition in your life.
    I hope you reach a place of happiness as fast as possible.

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  11. Oh, my heart just sank as I read this. I was married at 22, divorced and a single mom at 24. I felt this one in my gut. I'm so glad you have your mom to stay with, it is so rough at first in every way. Try to bee kind and patient with yourself and know that people are thinking of you.

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  12. I feel you, Aubrey. I'm going through the same, right now.

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  13. Oh ... I remember that day for me ... it's very, very hard ... and, from experience, living with mom when you are one is a very, very challenging thing ...

    I'm so sorry ... I hope that you find peace and that you honestly will be better in the long run ... :)

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  14. Lots of love Aubrey it does get better.

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  15. I've been in your shoes. It's hard. I hope you can heal and come to a place of peace.

    (((Hugs)))

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  16. I'm so sorry, Aubrey. But it sounds like it's for the best.
    You expressed it so eloquently, too.

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  17. How horrible. My wife and I separated 2 years ago for the longest 4 months of my life. It was very focusing for me. I can't expect everyone gets that, but I knew from that moment that I had to fight for it.. Every day.

    I hope you can fight, but I understand why you might not want to. I'm sorry.
    Very moving writing on a sad subject,

    WG
    http://itsmynd.com

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  18. I am so sorry. I don't know you, but I am sorry and I want you to know that your words, though simple, are straightforward and ripe with power. I read this post, this small post, this big post, and I will be thinking about it for a long time.

    Thank you for trusting us with your story.

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  19. I'm so so sorry. How incredibly hard this must have been, I hope things start to heal a little now.

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  20. I hope your days get easier for you and your children :( Such a hard thing to go through.

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  21. Sometimes . . . "there are not enough tears to cry." - Aubrey Ortega

    "Sometimes . . . I guess there just aren't enough rocks." - Forrest Gump describing Jenny Curran's frustrations with life.

    Forrest and Jenny both found happiness, eventually. So will you. In the end you'll find some real, sweet chocolates in the box.

    . . . and that's all I have to say about that . . .

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  22. Oh crap. I'm so sorry. This is my first time here and I feel like - I wish I could give you a hug. What a heartbreaking day. :( xo

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  23. Oh, I'm so sorry Aubrey. I do hope this decision while difficult makes it better in the long term.

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  24. I've been meaning to come back here for days to tell you that I'm sorry you're going through a tough time and you've been on my mind. Hang in there.

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  25. I'm new to your blog but your story hurts my hear My mother suffered from depression and as a young kid I had to talk her out of suicide, don't scare your kids like that or make them feel like their mothers life is unstable. you are much too beautiful for him, honestly.

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