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The brutal truth of me, without all the sugary coating.
Here I am just me, UNCUT and UNEDITED.
I talk about my family, my divorce, and a lot about MAKEUP.
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Tuesday, December 6, 2011

....and we're back!

There's just no possible way for me to blog about the storm last week before my eyelids close tonight. I'm simply too worn out to go into detail about all that. Those of you in Utah know, so let's just say that we were hit pretty hard 'round these parts, so it took Comcast a week to restore our Internet.

Hallelujah, right?! I thought if we were to spend ONE MORE DAY without online gaming (H) and Twitter here at our house, we would surely end up in World War 3: Ortega-Style. No gaming makes for an incredibly grumpy Husband, and no Twitter or blog? Well, I think you already know what that might do to me.

Know what's cool, though? We were forced to entertain each other in other ways. Husband and I still managed to fight and ignore each other a good part of the time (ah, the joys of marriage), but the kids got some real facetime with us. It really pointed out to me how much more I could accomplish if I didn't spend most of my waking hours (not at work) online. I'm not insane, so it's not like I'll be going all anti-technology or anything (panic attack just thinking about it), but I do intend to spend more real time with my kids. For the first time in months (at least six), we pulled a board game out of the closet and played. We laughed, we tickled, we cuddled in bed when it was too cold. When the power went out we discovered the magic of mini flashlights + children (being able to see is cool, but most of all it's entertainment).

We got some good news this week, which has actually surprised me in the end. I didn't realize how little faith I had in the fairness of this world until I found myself shocked when my brother was treated fairly in his custody case. How sad that I was completely floored when the judge recognized his right to be a parent as EQUAL TO the right of the mother.

I found another surprise when I realized I genuinely felt for their mother, my brother's ex-wife, as well. How hard this ruling must be for her to accept, to understand, and to live with. I thought, after all the ways she'd hurt our family, I couldn't possibly care about where she ended up in all this.

But a mother is a mother.
A child is a child.
And a family, when broken, is always a tragedy.



I have a new sister-in-law, who is a sweet spirit and a good friend. I'm grateful to have her in my life, and I'm grateful my brother is able to feel truly loved and cared for. What I really should be surprised about is that I ever thought I could just forget the good in my former-sister-in-law, the woman who became my family and created my gorgeous nieces and nephew. Certainly she has hurt us. She has hurt me personally by the way she treated our family - and especially my brother - as disposable. And he of course had a right to fight for his place as the other parent. But no one WINS in a fallen marriage. Everyone ends up losing in a custody dispute. Everyone loses when a member of their family removes themselves from the family unit.

A "win" for my brother is actually just a tiny fraction of the fairness he deserved from the beginning, and the results are undoubtedly devastating to the woman he loved. The worst part is while I know he is overjoyed to be assured the time he deserves with his kids, I know him well enough to know that (although he hasn't said this to me), he is surely suffering from her pain as well.

Good and bad things are happening, and I'm working too hard and being paid too little. But I'm grateful to have a home and my children, who are still too young to hate me for my flaws. Their ignorance is my greatest blessing.

Sometimes that's as much gratitude as I can muster. At least it's something, right?


2 comments:

  1. Oh my God. We switched phone carriers and the old one shut us off before the new phones arrived. We went the entire last weekend without phones. I was going bat shit crazy. I get it. Also? Awesome for your brother!

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  2. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Aubrey. It is a very mature and honest response. I wish I could help Jon understand the separation anxiety and feelings of abandonment Barrett is experiencing, and that 6 days is too long for him to be away from mommy. Can you imagine being away from Max for 6 days? It is killing me, but making me stronger. I wish you and your family all the best.

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