What you can expect:
The brutal truth of me, without all the sugary coating.
Here I am just me, UNCUT and UNEDITED.
I talk about my family, my divorce, and a lot about MAKEUP.
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Wednesday, October 5, 2011

PPD & Recovery

Obviously, with the recent loss of my friend to suicide, my own personal experience with attempted suicide, and my recent bout of Post Partum Depression/Anxiety after the birth of my third son, I am in suicide prevention mode. I know you're probably sick of hearing about it from me, but I'm afraid I can't stop just yet.

Working the fitting room this morning, I heard a woman who had just taken her baby daughter into the dressing room a few moments earlier say something that would have shocked me - maybe even caused me to judge her unfairly - had I not been a PPD survivor myself.

When she greeted me at my little fitting room stand, she smiled and looked beautiful and put-together, just a little distant. I told her she could take the baby into the big stall so the car seat would fit, and I stood there waiting until she was finished in silence - because, let's face it, no one shops on Wednesdays here - there was no one else in the store. The silence allowed me to hear her say to her newborn, "What? Why do you always have to cry??"

My heart broke for her. I know EXACTLY what she means by that.  Part of her means, "Why do you cry so much?" but the other part of her means, "Why can't I handle it when you cry?"

Because everyone knows mothers are loving, patient, kind nurturers.

Except when they're not.
And, quite frankly, they don't know why.

I wanted to hug this woman, a complete stranger.
As she walked away from me, I wanted to tell her THIS, and tell her that I almost never have those days anymore. I wanted to tell her it was going to be ok.

Social rules told me not to.
And yet, I still wonder if I was right to just smile and pretend I hadn't heard.
Maybe she needed - someone, anyone - to reach out?

...or maybe I'm making assumptions, and she would have been offended I'd assumed she was unwell. Who knows?...

In either case, I am increasingly aware of how widespread this illness is, and how completely essential it is to support each other through it. Have you suffered more than you thought you would after the birth of your baby? Have you considered suicide as a way out of this difficult life, out of your body? Have you known someone who just wasn't herself after her baby was born?

Be heard.
Tell them you are there for them.

Tell the world you've felt the darkness.
Tell the other mothers they are not alone.
And together, we will save a mother or child - or both - from the deadly grip of Post Partum Depression.

If you, by some chance, just haven't had enough, check out the new tab at the top of the blog called "PPD Journey" for more. 

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