What you can expect:
The brutal truth of me, without all the sugary coating.
Here I am just me, UNCUT and UNEDITED.
I talk about my family, my divorce, and a lot about MAKEUP.
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Friday, August 26, 2011

I wish I was sleeping

It's 2:30 am. As you can see, I'm awake. Tonight I fell asleep for two hours and now I'm wide awake, thinking about everything, as usual. This is a hideous cycle I go through, but it's worse this week because I am out of meds, so that means there's no Ambien for nights like this one.

Work tonight was extra stressful, with the DM rumored to be on his way and our store manager just getting back from vacation. There's the fun added factor of inventory coming up in two weeks... which, for a store like mine, is kind of scary. But that's not the best part. The best part was when Husband's phone quit working, so I got to walk home at 10 pm on my already-hurting feet.

Yes, yes, I know, this is turning into another whine fest! I'll turn it around, don't worry. :)

Do you know what I discovered on my walk home tonight? I LOVE where I live. I already knew that, because I grew up here, but tonight I remembered that I live in one of the safest places on planet Earth, where I don't have to be scared to walk alone in the dark. I remembered on my walk home all the great people I met here, all the friends' houses I used to hang out in, the giant trees I love, that line the street with shade because they are a hundred years old. I remembered that summer nights are amazing! It was still 80 degrees, so I took off my cardigan and just felt the warm breeze on my shoulders. How much we forget when we spend our life rushing around in a car!

I'm not trying to go all Henry David Thoreau, but seriously... life just doesn't feel like it used to, not only because we are older and jaded... but because we aren't walking through the neighborhood on a summer night. Because we don't go out to look at the stars anymore. Because we never have occasion to ride a bicycle just to ride.

 I wish I was sleeping (because tomorrow I am so going to pay for this), but in the quiet of tonight I feel like a renewed person. Maybe that's why my body likes to wake in the night... it seems to think more clearly than in the glaring light of day.


  1. so true! me and eddy go on walks. it's a nice little break from the world. but i'm in provo not farmington/kaysville (jealous). it's crazy how much where we grow up affects us. i always tell people 'think of the safest little neighborhood on the planet where no one locks their doors or their cars..." that's where we grew up. it's an amazing place we live in! :)

  2. that post just put me in the happiest mood picturing you walking through the neighborhood at night. You really have a wsy with words Aubrey. Glad you had an enjoyable and refreshing night! xo


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