What you can expect:
The brutal truth of me, without all the sugary coating.
Here I am just me, UNCUT and UNEDITED.
I talk about my family, my divorce, and a lot about MAKEUP.
If you leave me a comment, I will love you forever. :)

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Dear Customer,

Mothers of small children,

If you take your two-year-old child to the store, and you spend three and a half hours there shopping for her teenage sister's school clothes, expecting that two-year-old NOT to have a meltdown is stupidity on YOUR part, not "naughtiness" on hers.


Almost daily I watch mothers punish their kids for not listening or throwing a fit or asking for toys, when they have clearly been kept at the store wayyyyy past their attention span. I don't know about you, but I don't take my kids anywhere (except for Grandma's house) if I know I'm going to be there more than half an hour. Every little kid breaks down around the 45-minute mark. Hurting her (can't believe how often I see this), telling her she's a naughty girl, taking away her new princess lunchbox, telling the fitting room attendant that your daughter is "out of control today"... these things are totally unnecessary if you understand her limits. (And don't apologize to me for your child's fit, especially if your fit - in reaction to his/her fit - is much more irritating. Your threatening and spanking your child in public is much more embarrassing than your daughter's age-appropriate meltdown.) Also, when you lie to me and say, "She needs to use the bathroom," I can still hear you spank her. You're not fooling anyone.

All I see when I look at you is this.

Oh, and while we're on the subject of toys... don't parade your children through the toy section first, then be surprised when they want to stay and play there. Common sense, people.


If I tell you the men's fitting room is this way, and the women's fitting room is that way, this means you cannot follow your girlfriend into the women's fitting room. Even if my back is turned and you think I won't notice. 

Picture from here.

While we're at it, let's talk about your habit of bringing me piles of balled-up jeans and inside-out shirts without their hangers. I'm not even allowed to go into your fitting room... leaving your hangers in the dressing room kinda makes it impossible for me to un-jumble the mess you hand me when you've decided you don't want a single one of the items you took in there. 

To the few men who know how to hang their pants properly on the hangers... I am seriously impressed by you. You have no idea how rare this skill is. (sidenote: I just tried to look up "how to properly hang men's pants", so I could share my knowledge with you all. First, I accidentally looked up "how to hand men's pants"... which went very wrong. Then I corrected my search term and still... nothing useful. Apparently the Internet doesn't even know how to hang pants on a hanger. The closest search result Google could give me was "pants on the ground." Not the same.)

Moving on. 

Teenage girls,

Do you have any idea how long it takes me to solve the mystery of which-hanger-goes-to-which-shirt when you hang all 35 of your slightly-different shirts on random hangers? Hanging a size medium tank top inside-out on an extra-large hanger leaves me with three times the work as if you hadn't hung them at all. (And could you please just explain to me why you are trying on 35 things and not buying a SINGLE ONE OF THEM? Is this a new hobby I didn't know about? I don't think I've tried on that many clothes in my lifetime.) 

Also, when you're back there with your friends, and you're talking about your strategy and how I'm going to react to it, I can hear every word you're saying. There's still no door between you and I, just as there was no door when you went in there. I understand how you may have forgotten, though, seeing as you've been in there for the last two hours. 

Everyone who shops retail,

I don't understand why you go around stores moving things to different departments. Is it a game? Do you earn points based on how many steps I have to take in order to return the dress you got from the North end of the store and deposited in the infants section on the South end?

And when I find a Strawberry Shortcake doll hidden underneath the shoe racks, did your three-year-old daughter do that because she thought it was funny? Or are you seriously a full-grown adult hiding things so you can buy them later? Just FYI, we can hold items with your name on them. No need to make me get on my hands and knees to dig it out from under the shelves. (Which I will do, which means they won't even be there when you come to retrieve them from your oh-so-clever hiding place.)

And lastly, to the mom who told her teenage daughter she had a "bubble butt",

No one who fits into a size 3 pair of jeans has a bubble butt. Do the kid a favor and let her go live with her dad before you damage her permanently (if you haven't already).

In 3 years, she'll look like this instead.
Where do you think eating disorders come from??

With love,
That girl who hangs up your clothes

*whew*  I feel a bit better. Until next time I boil over with frustration I'm forced to keep quiet about...


  1. You crack me up! I miss you! We need to find time to play.

  2. OMG where do I begin agreeing with you! Not that I work in retail, but I've shopped some in my time, and yeah, my kids, aged now 8, 11, 13, 15 still don't come with me because I can't be guaranteed more than 45 minutes out of any of them! As for the men returning the clothing all balled up, that's because they also do that at home. You are bang on bang on bang on, and my deepest sympathies for having to deal with this crap daily!


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