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The brutal truth of me, without all the sugary coating.
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I talk about my family, my divorce, and a lot about MAKEUP.
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Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Struggle

The first time I remember feeling depressed was my 4th grade year.

Depression and I have endured a 16-year struggle.
I'm still not any closer to understanding the sensation.

I woke up today with an overwhelming feeling of sadness. I have no reason to, I have nothing but good things going on, I have good friends and family... I have gorgeous, intelligent children, I still have the face of a teenager, and Husband is working hard.

That's just the thing about depression...

"What triggered it?" is a useless question.
"Did I say something wrong?"  No, Husband. You've been perfect.
"Then what's wrong?" I have no idea.

The desire to jump off a building and end it all consumes me some days, and I couldn't tell you why. I know I would never do it, and I know I am committed to beating this thing that plagues me...

Still, it's there, just under the surface. Time to pull out all the stops.

Cheesy music that reminds me of my teenage-hood (the good parts, with Jenn and glitter and dancing).
Hilarious movies that make me laugh (no matter how much I don't want to).
And worst of all...
Productivity.

I will not let you get me down today, D. 
You won't win.



3 comments:

  1. i want to punch your depression in the face!

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  2. i went through a brief period of depression after high school so i at least have had a glimpse of what it is like. i just can't imagine having to deal with it for that many years.... you are so strong aubs! hopefully you can put it behind you and learn how to master it. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Don't forget chocolate. Chocolate is a vital weapon on those days. :)

    ReplyDelete

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