Visitors:

What you can expect:
The brutal truth of me, without all the sugary coating.
Here I am just me, UNCUT and UNEDITED.
I talk about my family, my divorce, and a lot about MAKEUP.
If you leave me a comment, I will love you forever. :)

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Ambien Freewrite: A Follow-Up

Ambien has been an interesting friend. It helps me sleep, it still allows me to wake up when Max needs me in the night, and it entertains the people around me. If I could find another sleeping pill that would allow me to wake up with the baby AND get decent sleep the rest of the time, I would quit the Ambien, because sometimes things like this happen.

Two nights ago Husband went out with friends and left me home with the kids. I couldn't fall asleep without him in the bed, so I took an Ambien and went to bed.

Ok, so apparently I didn't make it to bed. It turns out I wrote a blog post... and sent some texts. (When Husband is home, he regulates my communication after I take my sleeping pills, so this doesn't happen.)

Husband read the Ambien Freewrite, and he says it sounds like I'm leaving him because of all the "Aubrey Miller" talk... allow me to clarify, in case you were confused about that as well. ('Cause I am definitely not leaving Husband; he's really good looking and makes the money around these parts.)  ;)

I think what I was trying to say (I don't remember writing it, but the statements were still true) was more about the personality and courage I have had during different times in my life. People who knew Aubrey Anne understood immediately what I meant... I was a different person when I was known by that name. People who knew Aubrey Miller also seem to understand the point... and Colleen definitely relates, although she never knew either of those versions of me. :)  Aubrey Ortega, the current version of me (completely independent of Husband, despite the name change) is a totally different creature. Somewhere along the way, I lost me. Somewhere along the way, I lost my courage. The guts I had to be myself despite ANYTHING that disagreed with who I was, the ability to look any opposition in the face and say, "That's fine if you think that. I know who I am, and I don't need your approval." THAT'S what Aubrey Anne Miller was.

It isn't about being married or not.

Know what else I've discovered? It isn't even about being a parent or not.

I'm still in there! And I'm still awesome! ;)

The point is, I am going combine Pre-Mom Aubrey with Post-Mom Aubrey, and the result is going to be what I always wanted to be. What I once was, plus some extra awesomeness, courtesy of the last ten years of experience.

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