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Saturday, July 24, 2010

Saved by the Seven-Year-Old


There are times when my depression gets the best of me, and when my husband and kids play and have fun, I can't get near them.

They are on such a different level, so far from my state of mind, I don't dare get near and ruin what they have going. Their happiness, their laughter can't reach me. On those days, I'm sinking and no one can pull me out.

I had another episode like this two days ago. Something was said that triggered events in my life that I don't care to remember, and I completely lost my hold on life. I bawled for an hour, honestly believing the only way to escape it would be suicide. (Funny how depression plays tricks on you.) Just when I decided I couldn't possibly find a reason to live, my sweet Joshua did it again.

Since the moment he was conceived eight years ago, he's been saving my life, and he continues to surprise me with his ability to sustain my will to live.

"Mom, does some kids not have a mom?" (Is that perfect timing or what?)

My heart sank. Just moments before, I was selfish enough to think seriously of making HIM a kid without a mom.

"Yes," I said. "Every kid is born from a mom, but some kids have to live without their moms."
"I never want to live without my mom. I love my mom," he said.

Saved.

There is no doubt in my mind Joshua was sent to this earth to keep me tethered to it.

Joshua & I - July 23, 2010

2 comments:

  1. Hi dear friend. I do work at the FCC in Layton. I can give you all the information I can... BUT the crappy thing is if you want counseling from me, I'm not sure I would be able to. Well actually I know I couldn't... something to do with ethics or some crap :) Let me know though if you have any questions and I can answer ANYTHING!

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  2. This reminds me of a quote about how God usually answers our prayers through another person. Luckily little kids say what pops into their heads and don't reason away saying something that could actually be helpful to another person because it's random. I'm so glad you have your sweet, sweet Joshua.

    For the record: I don't want to live the rest of my life without my sister, either. When you feel like that, you have to call me or someone else that loves you so we can talk you through your feelings.

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