What you can expect:
The brutal truth of me, without all the sugary coating.
Here I am just me, UNCUT and UNEDITED.
I talk about my family, my divorce, and a lot about MAKEUP.
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Friday, July 23, 2010

All Those Females

Every time I leave the house (which, let's face it, isn't a lot. I'm a SaHM in a one-car family) I feel a little worse about myself.

When we lived in Kansas, this wasn't true. In Kansas people looked at me like I was some sort of goddess. Now that we're back home in good ol' Utah... we're surrounded by the plethora of gorgeous women that Utah water (that's my best guess) seems to produce. I've read several sources that say Utah has the most beautiful women in the country. Maybe that's true, maybe it's not, but from the limited number of places I've been, with the exception of California, I think it's probably on the right track.

Everywhere we go, my husband has countless beautiful women to look at, and where I live it seems to be especially bad. 17-year-olds stepping out of their mini coopers (my dream car), 150-dollar haircuts/color, fake nails, fake toenails, fake tans, and teeny, tiny shorts. Even if I got a full-time job and paid for all those ridiculous things, I couldn't compare. I'm not seventeen anymore, and I have proof of giving birth to three little boys written all over my body.

Don't get me wrong, my husband says it doesn't matter. He says I'm gorgeous, he says I have nothing to worry about. My insecurities run far deeper than what I perceive of his preferences.

I don't want to be fake like them. I don't want skin cancer when I'm 30. I don't want fake blonde hair. I like my fair skin (most of the time). I like my hair and my eyes and the fact that I'm not going to look like leather when I'm 40. What I want is a body that compares. What I want is my beauty... but in a smaller package. And what I want most of all is the confidence they exude when they walk.

And I have a feeling even looking like them wouldn't produce the kind of confidence I'm looking for.

1 comment:

  1. Aubrey - you said: "I have proof of giving birth to three little boys written all over my body."

    Fathers who have eyes to see recognize those beauty marks and honor them as part of the price of a mother's beauty. The beauty of youth is a passing gift that always comes to an end . . . the beauty of motherhood lives on forever because it was bought with a price.

    Real men, who are worth keeping around, recognize the value of the payments mothers make for them and their children.


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