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What you can expect:
The brutal truth of me, without all the sugary coating.
Here I am just me, UNCUT and UNEDITED.
I talk about my family, my divorce, and a lot about MAKEUP.
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Tuesday, July 27, 2010

2 Hours of Sleep

When I finally fell asleep at 4 am, I slept fitfully, overheated and uncomfortable. I woke up in a sweat, wondering if the air conditioner was broken, with a faint hint of a dream still on my mind. I think it was a bad dream... but I can't remember it for sure.

I haven't been able to shake that feeling all day. The in-between-sleep-and-awake, what-was-that-dream-about feeling. Yes, I know it's only 9 am. Ever since my baby started waking up at six (and several times in the night before that), I always feel like I've used up half the day by the time we hit 9:00 in the morning.

Something is nagging at my brain, something scary and uneasy. Something that makes me feel apprehensive about my future and wonder about my past. It's like that song, from West Side Story, "Something's Coming":

TONY:
Could be!
Who knows?
There's something due any day
I will know, right away
Soon as it shows
It may come cannon-balling down
Through the sky
Gleam in its eye, bright as rose
Who knows?
It's only just out of reach
Down the block, on a beach
Under a tree

I got a feeling there's a miracle due
Gonna come true, comin' to me...
Could it be, yes, it could
Something's comin', something good
If I can wait!
Something's comin',
I don't know what it is
But it is gonna be great!
With a click, with a shock ,
Phone'll jingle, door will knock,
Open the latch!

Something's comin',
Don't know when
But it's soon
Catch the moon,
One-handed catch!
Around the corner,
Or whistlin' down the river
Come on, deliver to me!
 
Will it be?
Yes, it will!
Maybe just by holding still,
It'll be there!
Come on, something,
Come on in,
Don't be shy,
Meet a guy,
Pull up a chair!
 
The air is humming
And something great is coming!
Who knows?
It's only just out of reach,
Down the block, on a beach,
Maybe tonight...
Maybe tonight...
Maybe tonight...! 


Yeah, sort of like that. Except... creepier. More like something I've always known is about to come bursting through the door and show its ugly face, forcing me to change direction. I have a feeling I don't want to face it. Perhaps if I could go back to sleep... perhaps I could hide from it, and it will pass on by... 

2 comments:

  1. aubrey - i must say i just read all of your love and hates... and i was DYING it was so funny... whether it was meant to be or not. i love you! we need to get together and bash on people... cuz i'm good at that. i'm SUCH a good person RIGHT??! lol. i suck... but others suck more!

    ReplyDelete
  2. At times in my past, when I've had that "something's coming that will change everything" feeling, it has usually been a change that resulted in challenges and blessings
    that made me better . . . and thus, they were improvements to my life.

    ReplyDelete

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